Life Lessons at Dawn

Last night work started out bad. You know how you just know you're going to have a bad night? That's how it started. And I know that goes against everything defined by the law of attraction, but I just knew. First of all I didn't get a thorough nap before going in. I wasn't actually too fatigued, but the mentality of starting a shift without a good amount of sleep before hand got me anxious. Second, I was running late. Everyone on this Island is on vacation, making Ocean Drive an obstacle course of spectators, peddlers, clubbers and restaurant tables. When I finally got to work I was tired and a bit disorientated. My designated section was slow, and then totally emptied out once it started raining. I kept getting heckled by this other waiter about how I need to be more aggressive. Now if there is one thing I am sure of about serving, it's that everyone has their one style and if that's what works for them, if that's what brings in the green, than there is no need to change. I am a more passive, but personal server. I don't jump on people when they first walk in and I don't rush them through their meal to create a fast turnover. I'd rather provide thorough service and hope for a good over tip. The bottom line: It works for me and I bring in the green. So it was annoying that he was trying to convince me I could do it better by doing it differently. By 2am I was tired, not really making much cash and hungry.

Notice, however, that I said things started out bad. Around 3am things started to turn around. My section picked up a bit and I was bringing in some serious over-tips (anything over the 15% already included in the bill). My trying-to-help-but-annoying colleague had backed off. When I don't get a chance to glance at the clock in the course of an hour, things are looking up. At about 6:45 my manager came up to me and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was okay, why? He asked if I wanted to get out of there. When it's getting close to 7am and everyone is getting hesitant about taking tables because they want to cash out and LEAVE, it's a good time to be called off. I cashed out and walked away with a buck fifty. No, not $1.50. $150.00 And that is after tipping out the bartender, food runner and busboy. So as frustrating as the night began, it turned out to be very fruitful.

When I walked out of News Cafe at just 7 O'clock. The sunrise was beautiful and the beach beckoned me. I knew I probably wouldn't make it to Church at 10:30am so I decided to take some time to meditate and relax now. The sunrise was amazing over the Ocean, but as I walked down the beach towards the water I witnessed the saddest thing I have ever seen. A man was picking through the garbage, nothing out of the ordinary around here. But for the first time I actually watched as this poor person found a discarded take-out box with leftover and without hesitation, bite into it. As he ate it I found that I couldn't stand to look anymore. I was heartbroken, devastated and just overwhelmingly sad. This was the first time I'd actually seen with my own eyes a human being eat out of the garbage. I sat there on the sand, the sun making the most beautiful Mosaic out of the clouds over the turquoise sea, and I realized how unbelievably lucky I am. Thing get hard, things get incredibly difficult at times. I've felt lost, lonely, angry, broke, and sometimes all at once. But never in my life have I been without hope. Never have I felt every option expired, every chance gone. So I took that experience, the beach, the sunrise, the warm, salty breeze, the beauty of it all contrasted by the devastation, and I tucked it away inside me to always fall back on. I have so much, no matter how bad my feet hurt, no matter how tired I can get at 4am, no matter how challenging things can get, I am such a blessed person, and I hope I never take that for granted.

Melancholy Mood

It's only 9pm here and I am exhausted. Completely and utterly wiped. There's techno music blasting all around me and an annoying little dog keeps licking my toes. Last night I worked my first graveyard shift, 11pm-7am. I didn't get home until about quarter of 8 this morning. I passed out until about 1:15 this afternoon, at which point I felt I should get up and make a day of it. I'm working on a couple of Christmas projects aright now which are very fulfilling and make me feel less lonely.

I guess that's what I've been feeling mostly. I'm happy and content with life down here on South Beach, but I'm lonely. I came down here to get away from what I had always known. To challenge myself in a way I never have before. I wanted to gain some clarity for myself and the life I want to pursue. I wanted to get to know myself a little better and become familiar with what made me tick. I guess when you grow up in a large family, some of that individual identity gets lost, or just develops a little slower. For me I felt that after about 16 years of following a system, having most of my decisions pre-determined, life all of a sudden was very unclear. College sort of takes in you in, tosses you all over the place and then spits you out. That is, in my opinion of course.

Moving down to South Beach has certainly helped me realize what I want, what I love, and what I want to spend my time doing. It has put so much truth behind the saying: Turns out not where, but who you're with that matters. I remember seeing that saying hanging up in Kurt and Danielle's first house. It's meaning was not as clear as it is to me now. I am 22 years old living in this whole new city, with all my friends and all the people I love somewhere else. There's nothing wrong with that of course. A lot of people venture out on their own and establish themselves someplace new quite successfully. But I do feel a void, a sense of lacking. I miss my friends. I miss the people I love so dearly who have gone through so much with me and all have their special places in my heart.

My plans at this point are to stay down here until the summer. At that point I'd like to move to Boston with a few friends who also going through some trial and error life decisions. I think Boston will offer me some wonderful job opportunities and eventually be the place I go back to school.

Anyways, this whole thing started because I'm tired and that clearly had an effect on the direction of this blog. I never know what these read like, because I hardly ever go back and read them. I don't really know if they make sense, if they make me seem crazy, depressed, happy, confused, self-assured. I guess I know how I feel and that's important. Right now I'm a little melancholy and looking foward to christmas. Looking foward to seeing everyone and being home for a while.

What a week this has been. It's interesting to think how everyone else experienced these past few days, from all of our corners of the world. For me, this week was all about maintaining. Maintaining calm in the midst of chaos; maintaining sanity while adjusting to a demanding, exhausting schedule; mostly maintaining ME as I settle into this whole new routine filled with new faces, new responsibilities, new challenges. The only way to express the first few days of this is ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Let me explain:

Monday I had orientation for my new job. It was initially very relieving to show up and realize I'd be training with a small group of people in the same boat as me: new/rookie/graveyard. Getting to know these people on this basis was interesting. Discussing where we all come from, what brought us here, where we've been. Meeting new people is a very intriguing experience. Seeing how they react to the things that make me ME. Understanding the things that make them them. People are so vastly different, yet ultimately we have so much in common.

Tuesday was not so refreshing and enjoyable. Tuesday was hard, exhausting, long, and frustrating. We arrived at work at 9am dressed in uniform. I however had not yet gotten myself a tie and was wearing shoes I had from past restaurant experience and tried to ignore the fact that I knew they were uncomfortable. We were each assigned a trainer who at first I felt bad for, having to be trailed all day by a newbie, but then realized that we picked up a lot of slack for them and they actually had it pretty good. My first trainer's name was Rio. He seemed professional enough at first, but by 11:30am, after knowing me for about two hours, must have felt comfortable enough to let me know he thought I was very good looking and had nice legs. Wonderful. Rio was in the weeds pretty much all day so I took tables, delivered drinks, busted my butt for 6 straight hours without a break. I was practically limping by the time it was over, my feet hurt so bad. We had to stick around for cash-out just to see how it was done. Rio tipped me out $15.00, which I realized was pretty generous since none of my other trainers tipped me out at all. I didn't get out of work until well past 4pm, my pinkie toes felt as if they'd fallen off, I was absolutely starving, but didn't know if I was going to be able to stay conscious long enough to eat. And in the back of my head I knew that this was only the beginning. When I got home monday afternoon Roxx didn't realize what he had coming to him. My montstrous mood only worsened when I realize that he had eaten HALF of the delicous bread emily sent me only the day before. On top of that he had his music blasting and didn't get the hint that I was not in a talking OR listening mood, even after I'd snapped at him about the bread. For the first time in our month as roommates, Roxx saw the mean side of Darci.

Wednesday wasn't much better. My trainer's name was Dominic and he also felt it necessary and nothing out of the ordinary to express his thoughts about my looks. My practice in things like this isn't very good so I just ignored it. Unfortunately this guy smokes like a chimney and wednesday's training consisted mostly of familiarizing myself with the break room/alley. After a grueling 7 hours on the floor Dominic shook my hand and told me I'd done well. Wonderful. More than a few people had to deal with the brunt of my bad mood this day as I felt it necessary to make calls and explain to them my situation.

Thursday Michael, wonderful, old, New York born Michael. Not one flattering comment, not one cigarette break, just old-fashion this-is-how-we-do it training. Still an exhausting, pennieless day, but the best out of all week. By Thursday I'd realized that before I made any calls I should first get off my feet for a bit, eat something and then think about communicating with people.

Food-runner Friday. This was a change of pace, but did nothing good for my 1 o'clock hunger pains. One other trainee and I were in the kitchen running food all day. The kitchen is absolute CHAOS at this place. Huge and like a little South American country in itself. I'm not sure how many things were said about me, but since I couldn't understand any of them it was fine with me. The purpose of food running is to familiarize us with the plate presentation, and also the layout of the restaurant. This place is HUGE though, and for the first few runs I thought I needed a GPS device to figure out where the hell the table was that matched the number on the greasy slip I was holding. Eventually I got the hang of it, and the fact that I didn't have to wait an extra hour or so for transfer of tables and cashing out kept me going. However, as my fellow food-running trainee Camilo and I were gleefully escaping at 3pm on the dot, we were stopped and reminded we had a menu review session. It was also about this time when I got the news about Grandma Tretter. The review session was sort of a blur, my mind obviously distracted. I didn't even realize until we were released only 20 minutes later, that our manager had decided to let us take a copy of the test home instead of actually reviewing the material. He clearly had other things on his mind as well.

Walking home I tried to get a hold on how I felt. The combination of pure exhaustion mixed with an unfamiliar, almost numbing emotion of sadness. My heart went out to dad. I was totally oblivious to the tourists snapping pictures, the vacationers gleefully taking in famous Deco Drive. My mind was somewhere in the past, reminscing on some glimpse of a memory I have about a dinner one night with Grandma Tretter present at our house. A story she was telling about her first job. I didn't recall much, but I remember how impressed I was with whatever she'd been talking about. And it is in this way I'll always remember her.

So that is what this week was like for me, from this corner of the world. I'm tired from just going back through it all. If you made it to this point, I applaud you. I'm sure I'm leaving things out that popped into my head with "gotta get that in the blog." Either way, you know where I've been. Monday begins my actually graveyard shift. I work Thursday through Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday will be dedicated to rest and reclaiming of sanity.

Today is December 1st! Happy Holidays!

A routine begins...

MIAMI IS FLAT. Running around here is a totally different experience because of that geographical characteristic. The only inclines are where tree roots have tried to pop through the sidewalk creating little minuture mountains in the concrete. These don't do much to the glutes, but boy, running in the sand sure does.

Today I had orientation for my new job. I sat among 5 other people in a tiny little office and learned the ins and outs of this tightly run ship. In fact, we'll even be quized at the end of the week on all the information we'll hopefully gather throughout the week. My fellow trainees come from all walks of life. Some are older, some look younger, some from South America, some from New York. It's funny how once I state that I'm from NH and have only been here for a few weeks, people are suddenly divided into two different groups. Group 1 seems very impressed and usually comments on how brave that was. Group 2 takes the opportunity to educate me on every detail that they feel I must know, and couldn't have possible figured out on my own. Like "honey the parkin down here is impossible." Figured that one out the first night I was on my own and had dropped dad off at the airport. Or there's the "Oh yeah, Miami's different. It doesn't snow here ya know." Wait, really? I came down here for the excellent skiing! I suppose it gives some people a feeling of importance to bestow these tidbits on me. Of course some people are very helpful and those are usually the ones who don't realize it.

Yesterday when I was running I headed down my usual route: up Euclid to 15th street, turn south down Meridian to 1st street, then down to South Pointe Park, which is under construction 85% of this island. Here I take a left and head towards the beach. Theres a path that takes you to the farthest south point of the island. Here is where the Intercoastal Waterway meets the Ocean and it's absolutely stunning. This is the most beautiful spot, especially around 4:30-5pm when the sun is setting and the cruise ships are departing for their caribbean destinations. Yesterday when I got down here the Norweigan Dawn was departing. I thought about the bimini bar, and the jacuzzi on the top deck. So many memories were floating past me as I stood there. When I run down here I usually walk out on the jetty and take in the beauty of Miami Beach. The line of hotels and highrises on my left and the vast, beautiful, turquoise Atlantic on my right. This really is an absolutely stunning area and I feel so fortunate to call it home.

So I actually have a routine. I've been craving this since I got down here. It's not exactly what I was expecting but it will be an experience that I'll grow from, like many others. Tomorrow begins real training. I have to show up in uniform: white button down shirt, black skirt or pants. I need to ask Roxx if I can borrow a tie. Which reminds me. I know there's been some confusion in my reference towards Roxx. Sometimes I write Rodrigo and sometimes Roxx. Honestly, it's not that our friendship fluctuates at all, it's more my feelings towards him at the moment. For now, we're on good terms. I feel comfortable calling him Roxx. A few days ago, he was not in my good graces. I got up and went to open the blinds around my desk and I heard him whimper and realized he was shielding himself from the bits of light coming in. Keep in mind our unit is on the bottom floor so it's not like we were being flooded with sunlight. I asked him if he was aright and he mumbled he was really busy and could I please keep those closed. Yeah because we all know the darker the area, the faster one can work. So that day I stuck with Rodrigo.

Ode to a bathing suit the day after Thanksgiving

The first thing I thought when I woke up this morning and saw it was another beautiful sunny day maybe I'll hit the beach for a little while with my new book. Then I realized that today is the day after we gorge on food and drinks and pies, and this may be the first time I'd ever consider slipping into a bathing suit the day after Thanksgiving. I guess the pilgrims had it right when they decided to land on Plymouth Rock and be able hid under their winter layers after feasting on turkey and corn.
Anyways I had an absolutely wonderful time celebrating Thanksgiving in South Miami with the Lazala family. It was the first for many things, including eating Thanksgiving on the deck. Silvia's family was incredibly friendly and generous and an all around good time. It was so nice to be around a family on a Holiday where we should take time to remember what we are so fortunate to have in our lives.
Back to today, though, I think that roxx is mad at me. It started when I heard him get up at about 8am this morning, he NEVER gets up before noon. When I got up he didn't say anything to me. Now in anyother situation with anyone else this might not seem out of the ordinary. But I was immediately caught off gaurd when 10 more minutes went by and he still hadn't intiated any sort of conversation. Not that I have any idea what he could possible be mad at me for. It's just very uncharacteristic and making me nervous.
Well thankfully the sky has clouded up and it seems the opportunity to sport a two-piece has passed me by.

Things are looking up!

So I finally got a job! I could say: "I got up this morning with a sense of determination and told myself I wouldn't go home without a job" but that's not quite how it worked. Actually it was a pretty typical morning, except for the fact that while I was running, I took a different route home. I ran down Espanola Way which an adorable, quaint little cobblestone street with small cafes and bars. It's only about two blocks away and I decided to come back here and check out some available positions. I started on one end of the street and worked my way down. I was shown to managers and said the same thing "I was wondering if you were hiring." I got lots of "not yet" and plenty of business cards to apply online. When I got to the end of Espanola Way I decided I'd check out Ocean Drive. I was already out an about, why not? These places are a lot more intimidating. Hostesses standing by a table of saran-wrapped entrees basically pleading with you to pick their menu. It's incredibly disappointing to you when you are interested in a job and not the plastic encased crab legs. So I finally made my way to The News Cafe. Interesting because in the back of my mind this is where I wanted to end up. Lis had told me about this place and I really wanted to check it out. I was shown to the manager and he had me fill out an application. It was sort of like a bar quiz at the same time: Name three types of vodka, how do you make a martini, what steps would you take when serving a table. Luckily I have a pretty good imagination. So after that I was taken to Victor, who I percieved to be the head huncho of the place. He told me he doesn't usually accept applications (which I still don't really get) but mine looked good so let's chat. He described the graveyard shift and how everyone who starts, starts there. 11:00-7am. Brutal. The bartender chimmed in with "that's when I make the most money." He said there were three positions open, waitress, bartender, hostess. I said I'd feel most comfortable with waiting tables for now. He went over a few other things and shook my hand and said "your hired" The words I've been waitin to here since I've been here! I know it's going to be tough and certainly a different experience than I'm used to. But I'm very excited to start working, meeting different people and earning some money. It's right on the beach, right on Ocean Drive in the heart of South Beach so if nothing more, at least I can say I worked there! Well, now that that's taken care of I'm going to hit the beach for a little while. I here it's snowing up in New England. I'll be thinking of you all.

A Challenge

So here's an interesting little challenge posed in front of me: I have no access to my money for the next ten days. It's not that I don't have any money, but rather the money that I do have is in the process of being transferred from Ocean National to Bank of America and according to them that takes ten business days. It was me who forgot to take care of this before I moved so I really can't wallow in my own self pity, I'll just have to figure it out. Fortunately I went food shopping before I encountered this problem and should be fine as far as nourishment goes. My social life, as small as it is right now, might feel the blow. The friends I've met down here all seem to be riding the unemployment train with me and funding another persons social activities isn't really an option. The funny thing is I'm not freaking out. I'm sure that if mom and dad are reading this their worryometer has gone up a few notches, but I'm maintaining a pretty calm demeanor. I guess because I know I'm not actually broke. I just get to play broke for a little while. Fun.
On another note I've realized that the opportunity I find myself in is actually very inspiring. I live in an area where I can walk to the beach, the grocery store, dunkin donuts (thank god for a GC I was given from a Teen Center participant), and some really beautiful parks. I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with. All of those things I have put off until "I had more time to dedicate to them" I can finally dust off and start dedicating to. I can practice my guitar, make jewelry, write, read and really take this time to pay attention to my world and the details within it. I've always wanted a chance to do this. This experience more than anything, is about self-creation/discovery/awareness. I need to embrace the changes going on around me, open myself up to them and let them all in. I need to be patient and take this time I am given as a gift to do all that. I am adding a chapter in my life and I need to take time to do that. I've always known that things work out they way they are supposed and I'm certainly not going to let go of that now.
Am I giving up the job hunt? Of course not. I'll be doing what I can for Rodrigo and if it comes to it I'll work in a restaurant/bar until Christmas. For those who don't know Rodrigo is a website designer and actually does very well for himself. I've taken on the role of writer/publicist as he isn't a very patient listener, nor does he write very well in English. If all goes well and I bring in some clients the pay off will be worth it. Working with a bit of a procrastinator is a little difficult though. For the most part it makes me feel somewhat productive.